


Method Men

by Amber Madeleine (pansexualbeast15)



Category: Armie Hammer-fandom; Timothee Chalamet-fandom; Charmie!, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Independent Spirit Awards, M/M, Nurse! Timmy, Oscars, Pining, Sick! Armie, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wrestling, heavy heavy angst, rehearsing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansexualbeast15/pseuds/Amber%20Madeleine
Summary: Fun times at the Hammer house the night before the Oscar's. Things get a little...wet.





	Method Men

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually chapter 2, not chapter 1 but I'm technologically challenged. I'm not even joking.
> 
> Thanks for the nice comments and kudos on chapter 1. Get ready for some more super slow burn!

Chapter 2

Independent Spirit Awards, 3/3/18

On the stage, the announcer says: “Can we say it? Dramatic pause. Cum peach!” The crowd titters appreciatively. The camera pans to the CMBYN table and to Timmy who is holding his phone up.

“Did you hear that?” 

Armie nods, tears of laughter streaming down his face and onto his naked hairy chest. Timmy is worried because his bff has already lost enough fluids due to being sick. And besides, there’s something about Armie’s tears that just… damn. Were his eyes always as blue as Oliver’s Billowy? Luca pats his shoulder to get his attention and peek at Armie. Oh shit! Timmy realizes he’s been caught by the all-seeing eye of the camera so he turns his phone to show the world who he’s been FaceTiming with during the ceremony, mistakenly thinking it would be worse if he didn’t. Poor kid was already razzed about his outfit earlier that evening. Timmy’s neck goes all red so naturally he scratches it and tries valiantly not to blush even harder. Armie, who gets a kick out of not only displaying his gorgeous pecs to the world but mercilessly teasing his young costar and loving to see that he got a rise out of him, guffaws merrily.

It isn’t till later when his publicist is poring over the internet exploding over the absolute adorable evidence of Timmy and Armie’s special friendship that he starts blushing even harder, his mind going a mile a minute. Wtf? Of course Armie wasn’t naked. Why would people say that?! I mean… maaaybe he was? Why should he know? Naked or not, Armie was covered by a sheet, thank you very much so it’s not like he could see through it or anything. Timmy snorted. Nothing he hadn’t seen before. And anyway Armie’s a furnace so of course he was shirtless. Timmy remembered that night in Crema when he and Armie fell asleep on the bed together after wrestling and rehearsing. Italy could get chilly at night so he was grateful to borrow some of Armie’s sun god type heat. That was the only night that happened…

Timmy is interrupted by his phone buzzing. Liz. Timmy waves to his publicist and looks for an empty room so he can have privacy.

“Liz! Hey! Wanna FaceTime?”

“Not right now, Timmy. Not looking or feeling my best.”

“You always look nice but sorry to hear that. Armie told me him and the kids got a stomach bug. How are Hops and Ford?”

“Being brave little babies. They’re handling being sick better than Armie is. Playing together nicely and quietly. They managed to eat some grapes which is good and they stopped  
throwing up for now but it’s always so scary when you’re a mom. I won’t have a moment’s peace until they’re well again.”

“They’re going to be just fine. You’re a great mom.”

“Thanks, Timmy. And you’re a great babysitter.”

“You think I could make a career out of it?” Timmy jokes.

“How about just watch the kids on a few date nights?” Liz laughs. “I think you should stick with your day job. Congrats on the award, Timmy. No one deserves it more than you.”

“Aw thanks, Liz.” Timmy feels himself reddening and scratches his neck again. “Armie deserved to win, too.”

“Yes he did.”

“Listen, I fucked up,” he whispers. I was so nervous. I really didn’t think I would win. And I forgot to thank him. I feel so fucking bad about that.”

“He’ll live. It’s okay, Timmy. You were nervous. You only have so much time to say your speech. He understands that. You’re not required to mention him every time,” she says gently.

“He should have been here, Liz. It wasn’t the same without him. I don’t mess up half as bad when he’s around. I need”-

“That’s actually why I’m calling.”

“Shit shit. Are you pissed about the FaceTiming thing? I was being stupid. I’m sorry.”

“What? No, not at all. You know Armie loves the attention. And it was really funny.”

“Are you sure? I feel bad. He’s your husband-”

“Yes, he is. And I knew what he was like when I married him,” said Liz firmly. “Listen, Timmy. I have a big favor to ask. I need you to come over as soon as you can. I have my hands full with Hops and Ford and even though Nick is here to help-“

“Nicks’ there? That’s good. I’m glad there’s someone else in the house with everything you’re dealing with.” Timmy and Nick were buds too. He liked that Nick didn’t seem bothered by his close friendship with one of his oldest friends. Maybe that’s why he liked hanging with older dudes so much. They seemed waaay above the petty bullshit of some of his peers and so-called friends. Too much jealousy, man. That just wasn’t Timmy’s way. It just wasn’t European. The French were never bothered by shit like that. His parents didn’t even blink when he told them excitedly all about the unorthodox Hammily whose oldest friend lived with them and didn’t really seem to have a job.

Of course, Timmy was conveniently forgetting that Armie was extremely jealous. But then jealousy looked cute on Armie somehow. Like when he got all possessive over Timmy like not even a week after they met. Whenever Timmy would flirt with the cute Crèma girls and Armie would always find a reason to pull him away before things went too far. Yeah, Timmy loved it when Armie got jealous. But he didn’t want to unpack that thought. Nope. Not at all. Especially not when he was talking to Armie’s wife. Shit, he kind of zoned out there for a minute. 

“Dear Nick never seems to get sick but I need a break or I’m afraid I might get sick as well. And Armie has been asking for you.”

“He-he has?” Timmy is taken aback but he shouldn’t be. It’s not like he and Armie don’t talk all the time. Talking isn’t always enough, he guesses. He’s just kind of touched? that even while sick, Armie is still thinking of him. He’s had great friends but never, never like Armie. He hopes he is worthy of the older man’s devotion.

“Yes. Of course, he is slightly delirious, but I know he’d want his best friend by his side. I know it’s a lot to ask. You should catch up on your sleep and you have another big day tomorrow but he won’t stop saying your name in that croaking voice he gets when he’s sick.” Liz imitates her husband. “Timmy Timmy.”

Timmy laughed. “That’s an awesome impression. I’ll catch an Uber and be there as soon as I can, Liz.”

“Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver, Chalamet.”

Timmy grinned into the phone. “What can I say? I aim to please.”

“You certainly do. I can see why you and Armie are such great friends.”

“You’re my friend too, Liz,” Timmy said earnestly. He didn’t want Liz to feel left out. “We’re all friends.”

“Yes, well. Thanks again. I’m going to disappear into my chambers and try to get some rest. See you in the morning.”

“I’ll make banana pancakes. If anyone is up to eating them, I mean,” he said hurriedly.

“What is with yours and Armie’s obsession with banana pancakes?” She laughs. “You’re sweet, Timmy. Good night.”

“Good night, Liz.”

Timmy ends the call and finds himself humming “Banana Pancakes” to himself as they goes to call an Uber.

 

The Hammers’ House, an hour later

Timmy enters Armie’s sick room and pulls up a chair next to the bed where Armie is lying, looking a little pale and sweaty, golden hair plastered to his forehead, cracker crumbs in his chest hair.

“Hey Arms. How are you feeling?” Timmy’s voice is full of concern.

Armie looks Timmy up and down and feigns surprise. “Who the fuck are you? Are you here to pump my gas or..” He gives him a suggestive glance.

“STFU asshole. It’s called high fashion. OFFW is all the rage in Milan.”

“You look so. I don’t know,” Armie gestures to Timmy. “With that big white shirt. Virginal, he smirks. “Two inches proud.” Armie says, very proud of himself.

“Oh my god, Timmy splutters in his high nervous voice. You saw that? Motherfucker.” Timmy’s neck gets splotchy and he scratches it. Armie watches him.

“You’re very talented. I’ve seen all of your stuff. Just like you’ve seen all of mine.” Armie says very matter of factly.

Timmy gulps and touches his neck. “Stalker.” His leg starts bouncing.

Armie sits up a little. “Excuse me? I think you mean stanner. And anyway, I wasn’t the one stanning you before we met.”

“Okay, old man. Look at you proving how hip you are, knowing the lingo and all that.” Timmy pauses, looks down and whispers, “That’s just because I was a nobody.”

“And also underage.”

“Um yeah that too.” Timmy starts fidgeting even more in his chair.

Armie who has been watching him like a sleepy hawk since he arrived breaks into laughter.

Timmy looks away, embarrassed. “Are you even sick, dude? I think you just wanted to bust my chops.”

“Can’t I be both?” Armie gives him a mischievous grin, blue eyes twinkling.

Timmy can’t help it. He grins right back. “Liz said you were asking for me? Is that true?”

Armie nods. “True.”

“Are you still delirious?”

“Does it look like I’m delirious to you?”

“I don’t know,” Timmy sounds skeptical. “You could be acting.” Timmy smiles.” It would be kind of fun if you were.”

“What? Acting or delirious?”

“I don’t know, brother. I don’t know.”

“I’m actually sick, T. I know I’m joshing and shit, but I just appear high functioning. That’s my blessing and my curse. I actually really do need you here. Want you here.” Armie places his hand ever so gently on Timmy’s left shoulder.

Timmy tries not to visibly melt into his touch. “Okay. But I’m not picking the cracker crumbs out of your chest hair.”

“You were staring my chest huh?” Armie’s right hand goes to his chest and plays with his golden hair.

“Dude. You were shirtless for the world to see.”

“And you showed the world. Not the secretive and mysterious Timmy we all know and love.” Armie looks at him fondly and Timmy feels guilt punch him in the gut.

“Hey man, I hope you’re not pissed about that. I didn’t expect to have a camera trained on me--”

“Nope. Not pissed. About that.” Armie gave him a very pointed look. 

Timmy knew what he was pissed about and opened his mouth to apologize when Armie started speaking again.

“I do have a great body, don’t I?” Armie flexes and Timmy’s eyes widen. “Say it,” he commands.

“What? Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Oh I see. Little Timmy Chalamet came to play.”

“Always, dude.” The two bros gaze at each other for a while until Timmy breaks the staring contest. “Seriously, what do you need?”

“Some more Pedialyte would be nice, Sweet Tea.”

Timmy lights up at his nickname. He loves when Armie calls him that. “Your wish is my command, Mr. Hammer.” He bows and leaves the room to grab the drink from the kitchen.

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” Armie whispers to himself.

###  
Timmy strides back in the room with a fresh glass of Pedialyte on ice.  
“Here you go, Arms,” he tries to hand Armie the glass. “I know it’s not your favorite, but it will help you get better.”

“I’m sorry can you- I can’t- fuck this is embarrassing. I’m feeling kind of weak and don’t want to spill it on myself,” Armie mumbles, turning red.

“I’ve got you,” says Timmy, moved by his vulnerability. He helps Armie sit up, electricity zinging through his body when he touches his friend’s naked back. “Here,” he carefully brings the drink close to Armie’s lips, trying not to stare at how pink they are. Armie takes a delicate sip. “More?” Armie nods. Timmy tips the glass and some Pedialyte dribbles down his chin, his neck and his chest. “Shit man! Sorry dude!” Timmy looks for something to mop him up with and decides his shirt is best. He hikes it up and wipes Armie’s face and neck tenderly.

“Don’t ruin your shirt, dude,” Armie says quietly.

“Shut up.” Timmy is concentrating on blotting his chest.

“It’s high fashion.” Armie is feeling a little bad that his friend’s shirt is now stained bright red.

“Shut it, Hammer. I’m trying to clean you up.”

“You could have used a napkin. Or a tissue.”

“I don’t care, man. You let me stand on your feet in Crema.”

“What are friends for? Don’t forget the cracker crumbs.” 

“Okay.” Timmy tries to brush the cracker crumbs off Armie’s chest with his soaked shirt.

“You’re going to need some water since I’m kind of itchy and sticky now. Not a great combination. I’m already feeling like crap.” Armie moans in misery.

“What do you want, Armie? A nice sponge bath?” Timmy joked.

“I don’t have the energy to wash myself. Liz said you wouldn’t mind.”

“She did not.” Timmy sounds shocked.

“Did too.”

“I’ll get a wet paper towel but that’s the extent of it.”

“Please? I really feel like crap. I hate having to ask you. I know we’re friends but you didn’t sign up to be my nurse tonight, especially with tomorrow uh being what it is.” Actors tend not to mention the names of awards shows when they are talking to each other because they are a superstitious bunch. Armie turns his full charm on to 100 just with his golden boy muvi star gaze and Timmy is suddenly breathless. Because his best friend is so handsome it’s stupid sometimes and because he knows what Armie isn’t bringing up. He feels awful that he hurt him by forgetting to mention him on stage. He never wants to hurt him. Teasing is one thing but this was a dick move on his part, even though he didn’t mean it. He’s so fucking mad at himself. Feels so ashamed. Hurting Armie only hurts himself. He tries to convey all of this with his eyes. Pussy, he berates himself.

“Okay, okay. If that’s what you need, man. I’m here.” He pats Armie’s hand and stands. ”I’ll uh get a sponge and some water and be right back.”

“Yup, and after that you can help me into the shower and apply spray tan because I’m looking a little Timmy pale right now.” Armie joked.

“Sure.” Timmy turned away before he could see Armie’s jaw drop. Timmy was actually serious. Wtf was going on? Maybe he was delirious after all?

###

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” exclaimed Armie when Timmy came back in the room.

“I’ve literally been gone for like a minute, dude.” Timmy chuckled and put down his sponge and little bucket of water on a side table.

“You have?” Armie looked confused.

“You don’t remember?” Timmy asks, concerned. “You made fun of my shirt.”

“That is something I would do.”

“What’s hurting you right now? Is it your head? Your stomach?”

“I don’t know. I am feeling kind of warm.”

Timmy placed his cool long fingers on Armie’s temple. “Yeah, you do feel warm.” Timmy dips the sponge into the water and glides it gently across Armie’s face. “How does that feel?”

“Mmm. More please.”

Timmy dips the sponge again and moistens Armie’s lips with it, swallowing hard seeing them glistening and wet. He resists tracing them with his fingertips. “Thirsty?”

“Later.”

“Later.” Timmy snorts at how such a simple word has such a double meaning now and continues his tender ministrations. He drags the sponge down Armie’s neck and around the back to the base of his skull, his fingers brushing against Armie’s impossibly soft hair. The wet sponge travels down and around Armie’s chest. Timmy’s movements are achingly slow as he travels over the well sculpted chest of his best friend. The only sounds in the room are Armie’s breathing, his breathing, and the sluicing of the sponge and the splash as it dips into the water before being raised dripping to attend to Armie’s body again.

“Make sure you get all of it, “Armie commanded.

“All of it.” Timmy repeats, mesmerized by the now gleaming luxuriant chest hair so different than his hairless chest. Timmy puts down the sponge and runs his fingers through Armie’s hair. “Is this okay?” he whispers. “Want to make sure I get all the crumbs.”

“Just pretend I’m a monkey and you’re picking out my gnats,” Armie says, eyes closed.

“Gross dude.” Timmy pulls at a piece of cracker stuck right under his breastbone and Armie doesn’t even flinch even though Timmy has yanked a hair. “Sorry!”

“You know I don’t mind.” Timmy flushes, remembering all the hair pulling that went on during their movie and says nothing. He finishes with sponging off the top half of Armie’s body and hesitates now when confronted with what lies under the sheet. He’s seen it, he’s touched it, but he hasn’t um washed it. He’s never done this before with anyone. This seems more intimate then their most intimate love scene somehow.

“Um…” he says. Super uncomfortable.

“Timmy, I can feel you worrying. Just work around it. You don’t have to wash my d-”

“Ok, got it.”

“Just pretend you’re my massage therapist masquerading as a nurse. You just scraped my fascia and now it’s on to the rest of the body. Just undrape whatever body part you are sponge bathing and then redrape it.”

Timmy just stares at him. Wtf is Armie talking about drapes for?

Armie coughs. “Okay, I’m going to stop talking now because my throat hurts.”

“You need some more Pedialyte?”

“Nah, I’m good man. Wouldn’t want you to spill anymore on me.”

“Ass!” Timmy slaps his chest with the sponge.

“Security! My nurse is being abusive!” Armie and Timmy start laughing uncontrollably until Armie starts having a coughing fit.

“Poor baby,” coos Timmy. Armie sticks his tongue out at him and Timmy drips some water into his mouth from a clean cup of water. Anything to stall for time. “Just think of it as more Oscar prep.” Beneath his now trembling hands, Armie laughed silently. “I’ll get you well again. I promise. You’re going to be there, dude. You have to. It’s our movie. A chronicle of the time we spent together. I don’t want to be there without you. There’s no Elio without Oliver.” Timmy felt on the verge of tears. 

He stopped and risked a glance at Armie’s face. Armie’s eyes looked bright and full of love and were a little misty as well. Armie reached for Timmy’s hand and brought it to his heart. 

“You’re here too, “Armie said with some effort, pressing his hand on top of Timmy’s. “Not. Just. Luca.” He grinned at his young friend.

Timmy took Armie’s other hand and brought it to his rapidly beating heart. “Same, brother.”

Timmy and Armie just smiled at each other, happy to look deep into each other’s eyes. Armie coughed and felt Armie’s forehead again. It was burning up. He could do this. Timmy took a deep breath. He was going under. He couldn’t help but see the bulge pushing up the thin fabric. Armie was huge! He had to resist the urge to stroke the top of the sheet. Timmy also couldn’t help noticing that he was getting hard. So fucking embarrassing. It’s not that Armie hadn’t seen him get hard or even felt it before—but that was before. In Crema. In movie land. This was the real world. Timmy and Armie were supposed to leave Elio and Oliver behind in Italy. Because that’s all this was, right? Character bleed? Blurred lines that would soon becomes clear and straight again? It was just such a meaningful and intimate and intense film. That’s all. Just some residual yearning or some shit he wasn’t going to be thinking about now, or probably ever—especially with Liz sleeping a few doors away. No way he was ruining either friendship tonight. No matter how fucking turned on he was. Stupid beautiful Armie and his stupid beautiful body. He was a man. He’d never been with a man. Ugh. He had to stop it now. Before things got out of control. 

His eyes darted to Armie’s whose eyes were closed before trying to adjust himself. He really hoping Armie wouldn’t pop open and detect the rapid swelling in his pants that were getting tighter by the minute. Wtf hadn’t he changed into sweatpants? Ugh. This was going to be uncomfortable. Timmy slowly raised the sheet, awkwardly tucked it behind Armie’s right knee, narrowly avoiding a ball graze, picked up the sponge again and continued his task, trying not to let his eyes stray to the bulge under the sheet. Timmy would never do this for another friend. But Armie? He wasn’t lying in the CMBYN commentary. Armie was everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this isn't longer. Not trying to be a tease:P but it's time for me to get ready for my Oscar party!


End file.
